My Footballing Pet Peeves

Let’s be honest, if you’re reading this, you love the game of football – although we may love this game, there will always be little things about it that drive people up the proverbial wall and grind their gears.

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That’s inevitable.  You definitely heard NFL fans bemoaning the glut of flags being thrown on (shockingly) actual infractions of the rules – so much so that some preseason games were slowed down even further from the game’s current snail’s pace, not to mention the multiple ham-fisted attempts at addressing and dealing with personal and team conduct (Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, Deflategate).  NBA fans will complain about floppers, much like we do with similar culprits.  I’ve decided to turn on the angst-ometer and share my pet peeves when it comes to the beautiful game, both on and off the pitch.

1.  Unnecessarily high socks. You do not need to pull your socks all the way up and over your knees, such that they look like leggings.  You look like a fool – and a bit of a gymnast – and as soon as you start running, those things are gonna roll back down anyway.  Sorry JT, ya look like a clown.  In the first two rows of pictures returned in a search for “John Terry socks”, at least 1/4 of them show him pulling his socks up…I rest my case.

“What’s that boss? You told me to stop doing this s**t and pay attention to defending? Right, guv’na!

 

2.  On the other end of the spectrum, kiddie socks.  Chris Korb of DC United illustrates this ridiculous phenomenon quite well.  Homeboy’s not even wearing shinguards!!  This not only makes you look like an overgrown, homeless child who wasn’t properly taught how to pull up their socks, but also shows the ref that you don’t care about the possibility of your shin getting shattered.  Don’t think he won’t remember that when you go in hard on a challenge and come out second best…he’s not likely to pity you.  Which brings us to number three…

3. The guy (or girl) who ‘knows’ every passage in the Laws of the Game and will yell at the referee either in person or through the television pontificating their soccer wisdom.  EVERY call is wrong and they have to either explain it to you directly, or if not prompted, they will allow verbal diarrhea to commence and sadly you’ll be getting an earful for the full 90 minutes. Usually a middle-aged, angry man found on Sunday mornings foaming from the mouth.

4. Wearing long-sleeved kits when it’s hot out.  Or above 50 degrees.  Yes, it may be cool outside, but by the time you get moving around and running, those long sleeves will be making you uncomfortable and carry around excess sweat.  No, you don’t look like a Victorian sporting God, a la Goldenballs, you look like a pretentious idiot.  To be fair, I prefer long-sleeved kits when buying replicas – I feel they don’t look as childish or hokey – but I don’t wear them when it’s above an appropriate temperature to consider cool.

5. Divers. Stop.  Seriously, just cut it out.  This s**t is getting ridiculous now.  Nothing more, just cut this crap out. In that last instance, the guy looks like he’s been shot by a sniper hiding in the rafters of the stadium, talk about over the top! This is not part of the fabric of the game, it’s deceitful and does nothing but cause our Beautiful Game ridicule. Stomp it out.

6. Man-buns. C’monnnnn Liam Ridgewell, you look ridiculous. As does every other player to don this ‘hairstyle’.

Edinson Cavani ManBun   Dani Osvaldo ManBun

I’m sorry Zlatan, but you don’t escape the ire of this either:

Zlatan ManBun

Hmm, still not sure if I look awesome, or ridiculous with this sumo-bun. I am Zlatan, so I will go with….AWESOME!

 

We get it, you have – or think you have – fantastic hair, but you’re paid to play a game, not terrible personal grooming statements. In short, these guys end up looking like bad sumo wrestler knock-offs – and it’s time to knock it off.

Well, that felt good. Quite cathartic. With that said, what are your pet peeves surrounding the game? Anything not on this list that makes the red mist rise in your eyes? Let us know in the comments below!

Hands clasped we pray for olé!

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